Can We Change Our Body Image as We Age?
Every spring, I take a deep breath and pull out my white jeans for size and check. In some ways, it feels hopeful, spring has arrived, and warm weather is around the corner. Yet, there’s always that moment after I put them on and do the “check,” and I think, “did my white jeans shrink that much over the winter?”.
What usually follows this is a renewed vow to remind myself that size doesn’t matter and that if the jeans are too small, to purchase another fresh pair. But this resolution doesn’t happen without a pause and reflection of times when the jeans did fit, and I didn’t struggle with how I looked or felt in them. Wait, did that ever happen?
I work with dozens of women, and the reality is that, like me, every one of them has some discomfort or dissatisfaction with their body. It’s ironic because you would think that women would get more comfortable in their skin as they get older, but beginning with perimenopause, women, on average, gain 3-5 lb/year due to decreased muscle mass and decline in estrogen. Also, changes in our skin, hair, mood (thank you, hormonal changes) affect everything we see in our reflection.
I recently remembered a story that my best friend shared with me over 25 years ago. Melissa was in graduate school and needed to fulfill some coaching hours, so she took a job at a Diet Center. She was one of their best coaches; however, the trouble was that she was working with 45-year-old women who wanted to look like Melissa, who was 23, 5’8, 115lbs and had never been on a diet in her life!! They would say to her, “I just want to look like you...if I go on this diet will I look like you?”. She wasn’t dismissive, but when we talked about it later, she didn’t understand why they wanted to look like her; it seemed obvious to her that they would want to look their best at their age, not like they did at 23.
As I struggle with my white jeans, I am like most of us in our 50s and think about my ever-changing shape. The truth is that it’s hard always to be happy with what we see in the mirror. The physical changes are inevitable, and although they may not always be welcome, it’s our response to them that will change how we approach the next 50 years living in our bodies.
But aging does put things into perspective. It’s impossible not to tie our self-esteem into our bodies completely, but we can start to realize that keeping our bodies healthy and strong is what is essential. Our midlife can bring us some freedom and allow us to feel grateful for what it can do, rather than what it looks like.
The range of issues that face us in our mid-life is lengthy; aging parents, personal health concerns, unwanted weight gain, raising children, financial problems, relationships, balancing a social life, etc. But what if we turned this time to be a place to pay attention to what matters to you. How do you feel, rather than how do we look? We can try to work on ways to accepting what can’t be changed, and of course, in the meantime, we are grateful for some clothes with some stretch and give special lotions and serums, and hopefully, we can all find some comfort in knowing that all women at this stage of life feel the same way.
If you are ready to feel your best, feel free to reach out to me here. I am here for you.
xo Lindsay
